February 2012
26 posts
My mood level just dropped
I was so happy today and now I feel horrible. I just need to work out so I can feel thin. Eventhough I never will be. I just got so worried.
1 tag
I'm really concerned about this new tumblr ban
I don’t promote eating disorders or self-harm, I just talk about the struggles I face. My highs (when I lose weight) and my lows ( when I cut) So does that mean I will get shut down??
I really love coffee.
I need a real job
Right now I am a Jr. Chair in the Department of Student Activities. It’s great, I love it, but I don’t get paid for office hours. It’s a really stressful job and this weekend my senior chair and I just put on our first event. About 800 people showed and it was super successful. It just sucks because I only get paid for working events. I love my job and I really LOVE my...
1 tag
Tonight could have been really bad
I got so stressed out from all my work that I almost had a complete and total meltdown. Instead I went to AN’s dorm. We talked for a while and he filled me in on all the dorm gossip that they forget to tell me since I live off campus. Apparently one of our friends had a seizure the night I hooked up with BB. So of course no one brought up the knife, because someone else had real issues.
...
I'm ready to throw my computer out the window
It’s being a huge twat today.
In better news, I’ve only eaten 2 rice cakes today,
Going to pull an all nighter
I’m so tired but I have an exam tomorrow and I’ve missed the last two classes. Th only way I will have time to work out is if I do it early in the morning so that’s a reason too. I feel skinny today but I know as soon as I look in the mirror that will no longer be the case.
Also I really want to go home so I can cut. I need to so badly.
Sometimes I wonder
If people will ever care. I mean I had a rough weekend and demonstrated some red flags. No one mentioned anything to me after the fact. I was reallysrunk and was about to hook up with a friend. Before hand, I went to his bathroom and saw a large pocket knife. I tried to cut myself but didn’t have the dexterity to do anything. BB didnt do anything about it. I thought he would have told one...
I am so fat.
It's snowing
And sometimes I just really like standing in the cold.
Today is starting off well
Saturday is my pageant so I really need to make sure my body is ready for it. I’m really nervous because I was shopping for a different swimsuit yesterday and it was so embarrassing I couldn’t even look at myself.
This week I am cutting out all carbs, coffee and sweets. I have to drink 6 bottles of water a day, or more.
Already I worked out on the elliptical for an hour. Burned...
forheartremains asked: Hey I give a "shot" about you, believe it or not.
I'm so lonely
I don’t mean pathetic “wahhhh I need a boyfriend” but, lonely as in I have no one.
My friends don’t even try to contact me anymore. I know they don’t give a shot about me.
Just applied to volunteer at the Humane Society
I hope I get to. I miss being around animals so much. They are just such wonderful loving creatures. Oh and I get to take photos of goats today for a journalism assignment so I am super excited for that. The last time I was at the farm getting audio R let me hold a baby goat and I about died.
Also, when I’m done with that I will be killing myself at the Rec center. One week til pageant.
Blah
I feel like I’m going to die. I’ve stopped taking my zoloft and now everything just feels fuzzy. Also, I’ve been nothing but cold for the past two days. It’s just been hard to function as a human being recently.
A week and a half
And I will be on stage in a swimsuit for a pageant. I look absolutely vial in my swimsuit as of today.
I just feel like a total failure. My body just looks like it has blobs of fat everywhere to prove to the world that I suck at something else.
It also sucks because I will be doing this pageant 100% by myself. My mom won’t be able to come and support me, and I don’t have any girl...
1 tag
Fast day one
I’ve decided to do a four day fast. I’m going to be so busy all week so I think it should be pretty easy to get through. The only issue is thy I have to make cupcakes Tuesday night for a bake sale so I know that will be tempting. Still I think I can do it.
I have a pageant in three weeks and I have to look good for it. God knows my legs are not acceptable right now.
Also, I am...
Honestly
I think I could live with myself if I didn’t have thunder thighs. But alas, I do. And they are disgusting so I won’t quit until they are gone.
Skinny girls everywhere
It’s like they’re mocking me.
Fast Day Three...
I can do it, I can do it.
My stomach has stopped growling and now I’m just feeling faint. Time to drink up more water.
I thought today was going to suck but then I bought a Dr Who poster at the poster sale that was on campus. Now I’m in a much better mood, except for the fact that I’m $9 poorer.