A week and a half
And I will be on stage in a swimsuit for a pageant. I look absolutely vial in my swimsuit as of today.
I just feel like a total failure. My body just looks like it has blobs of fat everywhere to prove to the world that I suck at something else.
It also sucks because I will be doing this pageant 100% by myself. My mom won’t be able to come and support me, and I don’t have any girl friends that would be interested in going to Perry Missouri for a weekend to see my fat ass prance around a stage. Winning alone really sucks, but losing alone is even worse.
I really want to win but I don’t see it happening seeing as I look like this.
I realize I’m becoming more and more of a hermit. I’m afraid to talk to people I even once thought of as friends because I just feel like I’m bothering them. No one wants to be put down by their stupid depressed messed up friend. So I’ll just stay out of their way.
Meanwhile I’m going to drink more green tea. And not eat for two days.
